a true time of glee

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4:23-27

Lately I've noticed myself watching lots of TV. Most people who know me know that I get addicted to shows; it's typically because of the characters and storyline and my desire to just be caught up in a fake world where I can focus on other people and their problems. But as I've been watching, I've realized I've begun to let my guard down on shows to the point where I make excuses for the crazy things I watch.

 One of my favorite shows is Glee because I am obsessed with musicals, and I also loved how the characters were so unique and the stories were uplifting. But now, the storyline is racy and uncomfortable at times.

Yet I continue to watch it? What am I feeding my brain? I am not guarding my heart; instead I am putting things in my head that are not of God. And until now I haven't even realized it.

I am not saying that anyone who watches Glee is a sinner!! I am simply saying that it can be so easy to not realize the damage the shows we watch might have on us.

And true, there are uplifting storylines about not bullying, having faith, and forgiveness. But most of the time those are overlooked by alcohol, cheating, and more.

But for me it isn't just about the shows that I watch- a large portion is the time I spend (waste) watching TV shows. When I get bored and have an hour to kill, I just turn the TV on. When it's late at night and I don't have anything to study (and sometimes when I do), I get on Hulu and watch some random shows.

I've been praying the past few days that when I have the desire to waste my time with TV, that instead God will give me the desire to open my Bible and read His word for a while. That way I know I will be putting the corrupt and perverse things away from me, and I will be able to keep my focus straight ahead.

And in my opinion there isn't a better way to spend my time.

just need a break

This past week has been one of the craziest weeks ever! Actually the past two months have been crazy busy and it is so hard to believe all that has gone on. Classes, dancing, trips, and so much more have consumed my time. But luckily now it's time to slow down a bit. Wanna know why?

 SPRING BREAK is finally here! I'm filled with mixed emotions because I am not going on a mission trip this spring break; for three of the past four years I was in Mexico spreading the love of Christ. But this year I am at the beach with thriteen of the nuttiest people ever! These girls all love the Lord with all of their heart and I am so so blessed to be able to spend a week with them to get to know them better.

But with this past week being one of the craziest and busiest weeks ever, it was also very confusing. I've been thinking a lot about what direction my life is going in. With planning what to try out for and what classes to take and where to work in the summer, I feel like I am having to make so many plans.

Then I remember one of my favorite quotes: "Wanna make God laugh? Tell Him your plans." And it's so true. I'm spending so much of my time trying to plan my whole life out that I'm forgetting to let God be completely in control of it all. He knows what's best for me, and He most certainly is not going to let me do something that is going to harm me. I need to take a step back and let Him be in control.

So with all of that being said, my long absense from this blog has made me realized its about time for another poem. So enjoy :)

It seems I'm running sideways,

Towards who knows what.

Not for a prize,

I'm just stuck in this rut.

It's not backwards to old problems,

I've learned from my past.

It's left and right and around in circles

And I wonder how long it'll last.

I'm like the waves in the ocean

That try so hard to move

Past the boundaries they are set in

To get out of the groove.

But something holds me here

Not letting me let go

Not letting me move on

To find my brand new show.

I was fine with going sideways

But I'm not so sure now.

Something might come and catch me

and I won't know when or how.

Just know I'm not here

Only for you to please.

I may be stuck going sideways,

but that doesn't mean that you can tease.

So if this is how you want me,

Make sure you don't miss

Now is your chance to tell me

Or give a goodbye kiss.

It seems I'm running sideways,

But I won't always be this way.

Please let me know if I should move on

Or if sideways is how I should stay.

What I Learned Over Christmas Break...

It's not all about me.

I could sum up this whole post with just those words, but what fun would that be for me? Anyways, think about what the world tells us. The whole world tells us that basically, the world revolves around me. MYspace. YOUtube. Itunes. (I'm not saying that I am against these things, just an observation.)

When we start thinking that the world revolves around us, we might start thinking that we can do it all on our own, pushing God out of the way.

But thank the good Lord that He knows that we can not make it through life on our own. 2 Corinthians 1:9 says, "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead."

This doesn't mean that we can always do every single thing that we want to do. But it does mean that we can trust in God and turn everything over to Him. He can help us get through anything if we just rely on Him.

So, like I said in the beginning, it's not all about me.

keep on the sunny side

I am a complainer. Lately I've realized that I can find anything in the world to be upset about if I want to:
-My toe hurts.
-I can't stay out late.
-My boyfriend broke up with me.
-My tea is too watered down.
-I'm bored.
... and thats just with a few seconds to think of things. But if those are the only problems I've got right now, then I'm doing pretty fantastic. One friend, while listening to my endless rants on what's wrong in my life, told me to think about the great trip I'm going on to Glendale and about my loving family. And she is so right! Instead of focusing on every tiny thing wrong in my life, I should be focusing on the bright things:
-Loving parents
-Funny & helpful brothers
-A Bible
-Amazing roommate and friends
-Incredible dance family
-Tea
...and SO many more things.

So whenever I start to get down in the dumps or complain about the bad things, I'm going to remember the positive things I've got going on.

With that being said, WAR EAGLE!!

lessons learned

Well I cannot lie- 2010 was definitely the most interesting year of my life. It was filled with sadness, arguments, and many endings. But it was also filled with happiness, friends, and some new beginnings. While one post on here would not even begin to describe everything that went on in the past year (and it would probably bore most people to tears) I am going to attempt to put this year in a nutshell, along with lessons learned from the highlights of the year.

I rang in the new year with one of the most amazing people I know: my mom. We watched Glee and Auburn football (War Eagle) and ate whatever food we wanted to eat.

Lesson learned: You don't always have to have extravagent plans with friends to have an amazing time.

The main thing I was focusing on was dance. Being one of the captains of the dance team, I managed to get nine girls in a fight before a competition and cause lots of tension. After a few team talks and lots of apologizing, we all made up & had fun as a team in Orlando at Nationals. At the time, it was a sore subject for everyone, but we were able to get together over the Christmas break and we were all able to laugh about it.

Lesson learned: NEVER send out a mass Facebook message when what you have to say should be said in person- I'm sorry RABs!

Things sort of changed from "normal" at the end of April. I was driving to school on a Wednesday morning when I got a text from one of my best friends from dance. Her text said that her brother, a Marine serving in Afghanistan, would not be coming home to her family. After seeing her and her parents that day I knew their lives would forever be changed. But my friend was so incredibly strong, and she knew her brother was exactly where God wanted him to be. It was a tough rest of the year for our dance family, but I truly believe this tragedy brought all of us together with a special bond that still holds us together today. 

Lesson learned: God knows what He is doing, even when we don't understand.

May came with the goodbyes. I said goodbye to teachers, friends, and classmates. One of the most saddening parts of May was my final dance rectial. We performed the Lion King and had a blast doing it. Probably my favorite part of the whole recital was being able to dance with the other seniors in a special dance. We surprised two very important teachers with a student choreographed dance that we had secretly been planning and practicing for a whole year. The night was so bittersweet for me because I was leaving a group that had become a family to me, but left me with memories that I can never forget.

Lesson learned: Throughout the year I realized that dance can speak to so many people in so many different ways.

The summer held trips, seeing friends, and making plans for Auburn. A big shout-out to the senior girls at Shades for winning Skit Night 2010! I also got to dance three full weeks in the summer, which was pretty incredible. But in August, it was time to leave. The transition started off pretty rough for me because I didn't think I was ever going to make new friends. But I was so blessed to be given a bid to the Alpha Gamma Delta sorority (Go squirrels!) where I have met so many amazing new friends!!

Lesson learned: Trust God fully.

I managed to lose two of my best friends this year. One loss is all on me, and I deeply regret hurting them. The other happened towards the end of the year and and I miss the talks we used to have because they always let me know that everything was going to be okay. I guess there were many lessons learned through these experiences, but not some that I can adequately express in a few words. I just have to learn from these mistakes and apply them in the future.

Through everything that has happened this year, I have learned that the people who surround me are what keep me going:

I have the worlds most amazing roommate who keeps me laughing every day. I seriously would not have made it through my first semester without her. We obsess over the same things (mainly dance and music), force each other to study even when we don't want to, and don't know why it is so  hard to keep our carpet clean.  

My best friend, who I affectionately call Pickle, has been there for me through every fight, break-up, and loss. Sometimes all I need is a hug, and she gives it to me. She keeps my spirits up and helps me see the bright side when I'm having a bad day. She is also on of the smartest people I know.

My family have been amazingly supportive throughout this year. My dad sat through my dance performances and choir concerts, ordered my football tickets, and even took time off work to drive to the high school and give me a letter I had been waiting months for all because he loves me. And my mom has listened to every trivial problem I have without complaining, including talking to me on the phone while I was in Auburn after a fight at one in the morning. My brothers cheer me on in all that I do, even moving me into my dorm room and watching me in the rain on Bid Day. They are also the best for taking it easy on me when we play Mario Party.

My dance family- especially Nealey, Amanda, Rach, and Ashlyn. We may not always be together, but I know that we will always have each other. And Thursday nights are not the same without all of us being together.

Over the summer I met an amazing friend on staff at Shades that I only grew closer to as my time in the youth group ended. While she hasn't ever said this, she has shown me that finding a job that you love is so important. She helped me admit to something that I didn't want to admit to myself and has listened to every relationship detail I could ever tell her (God bless you!) and I don't think she will ever understand the impact she has had on my life for the few months I have known her.

So here's to 2011. I'm not going to make some crazy resolutions about working out every day or being nicer to everyone or anything like that. I'm going to start today and  make sure that I remember these and many more lessons I learned in 2010 and apply them in every aspect of my life.

a different perspective

After a while of trying to figure out what my next post was going to be about I realized that my life isn't just a poem, but my life is made up of many poems. And seeing as its Christmastime, here's some insight on what just recently became one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Thinking about Christmas is so exciting because you get to see family, make wish lists, listen to happy music, eat tons of food, and not have to worry about anything related to school. But next is the cliche line where "too many people lose sight of the real meaning of Chrsitmas" comes in.

To be honest, I used to be one of those people who just assumed I understood the true meaning of Christmas, and in a way I did because I had heard the stories for so long in church Christmas pageants and Sunday school lessons.

But I think part of the reason so many people who understand the true meaning of Christmas lose sight of that meaning is because we have heard it all so much. Hearing something over and over again may help you burn it in your brain, but can almost turn your brain into auto-pilot mode: you know the answers to the questions without really thinking about it.

So my challenge for you is to start thinking about the lyrics to the words you are singing this Christmas season. Yes, you've known the words to most every song since you were 3, but seriously think about the words you are singing. Think about the meaning of the songs.

 The line that gets me here "born that men no more may die." Jesus was born to die. He was born to die a painful death for the sins that I committed yesterday. For the sins you committed today. For the sins our children will one day commit in the future. Jesus' death provides a way for us sinful humans to have eternal life in heaven! So Jesus was born so that we could live, so that men would no longer have to die! "Light and life to all" indeed!

I hope that this Christimas season you turn up the radio as you drive around to shop or to see family and friends, and that you listen more closely as you hear Christmas songs to understand the true meaning.

found

i hate when the sun shines
brighter on the other side.
its bad enough that the grass is greener
the darkness just makes me want to Hide.

but really how bad is it
in the whole scheme of life.
am i the only one filled with doubt,
with sorrow, pain and strife?

its easy to look at other's lives
and see the easy parts.
but deep down they're just as hurt as me
its just Hidden in their hearts

i glance at my own life
and focus on my trouble
but other friends have problems
outside of my tiny bubble.

what if i took some time
to take focus off my past.
took time to remind others
life moves slow, but memories come fast.

and took some time to walk around
in another persons heels.
to see how my reactions hurt them
to see just how it feels.

so we must appreciate when the sun is brighter
on the other side
because everyone has bad days
and shouldnt have to hide.